๐ SWA Authentication Portal ๐
Security through obscurity, frustration, and emoji
Traditional Login (Doesn't Work)
Live Login Statistics
0 Failed Attempts Today
0 Accounts Locked
โ Years to Crack Our Security
0 Successful Logins Ever
OAuth 2.0* Integration (*2.1 Coming Neverโข)
Login with your favorite broken cloud provider!
* All OAuth integrations are permanently broken. This is a feature, not a bug.
Alternative Authentication Methods
๐ฉธ Blood Authentication
Mail us a vial of blood. We'll get back to you in 6-8 weeks.
๐งฌ DNA Verification
Send your complete genome sequence. FASTQ format only.
๐ Fax Authentication
Fax us your credentials. Our fax machine has been broken since 1994.
๐ฆ Carrier Pigeon
Send a carrier pigeon with your password. Hawks are a problem.
Password Requirements
- Minimum 47 characters
- Must contain at least 5 emojis
- At least one character from a dead language
- Your childhood trauma encoded in Base64
- The exact value of ฯ to 20 decimal places
- A haiku about your password
- Cannot contain the letter 'e'
- Must be palindromic
- Changes every 30 seconds
- Cannot be something you can remember