🤖 SWA Support Center
Where your problems become our entertainment
0 Issues Resolved
∞ Issues Created
47d Avg Response Time
-5★ Customer Satisfaction
🌡️ CHAD Global Stress Monitor
⚫ Disconnected Global Stress 0%
Temperature 72°C
Total Messages 0
Active Punishments 0
📊 Global Chaos Statistics
0 Total Bans
0 Meltdowns
47d Avg Response
Sass Level
Chaos Index
CRITICAL System Health
0% Uptime
100% Error Rate
Top Offending Regions
Waiting for data...
⛔ Live Punishment Feed
No recent punishments... yet.
Live Events
🤖 CHAD - Customer Harassment and Denial Bot
🔥 Viral Damage Report (0 incidents · Nobody cares)
Silence. Beautiful silence. Nobody has mentioned this yet. CHAD is almost... happy?
• Be the first victim• Start the chaos• Summon CHAD's wrath
💡 Pro tip: Don't.
Support Tier Comparison
| Feature | Free | Basic ($99/mo) | Premium ($999/mo) | Enterprise (Your Soul) |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Response Time | Never | 2-3 months | 1-2 months | 3-4 weeks (maybe) |
| Support Channels | Carrier pigeon (dead) | Fax only | Telegram (1880s style) | Smoke signals |
| Issue Resolution | Marked as "Won't Fix" | Marked as "By Design" | Marked as "User Error" | Marked as "Feature" |
| Support Agent | Angry bot | Angrier bot | Human (unpaid intern) | CEO's nephew |
| Knowledge Base Access | 404 errors | Wrong documentation | Outdated documentation | Encrypted documentation |
| Priority | Below zero | Zero | Still zero | Slightly above zero |
📚 Knowledge Base (Ignorance Repository)
🔥 Popular Articles
❓ Frequently Ignored Questions
📞 Other Ways to Not Reach Us
📧 Email Support
Emails are automatically deleted upon receipt☎️ Phone Support
1-800-NO-HELP
Lines open never. Calls charged at $99/min💬 Live Chat
Currently offline
Online hours: 3:33 AM - 3:34 AM (Mars time)🏢 Visit Us
404 Null Street, Void
Building doesn't exist🐦 Social Media
@SWA_ignores_you
DMs closed, mentions mutedPO Box [REDACTED]
Mail returned to sender🎫 Support Ticket System
Submit a Ticket (Into the Void)
Your Recent Tickets
| Ticket # | Subject | Status | Last Update |
|---|---|---|---|
| #NULL | Service not working | Ignored | Never |
| #VOID | Billing error | Deleted | N/A |
| #404 | Data loss | LOL | ∞ ago |
👥 Community Support (Misery Loves Company)
Forums
0 Solutions • 99,999 Problems • 1 Moderator (banned)
Discord
Everyone is muted • Bot-only channel • Infinite timeout
Stack Overflow
All questions marked as duplicate • Answers all wrong