The SWA Blog
Where we announce terrible decisions with confidence
CI/CD Pipelines Are for Cowards: Why We Ship Bugs as Features
Revolutionary take on why Continuous Integration was invented by people with dangerously low self-esteem.
Read More & Suffer →SWA Launches Coalition for Chaotic AI (CoCaI) - The Avengers Google Didn't See Coming
While Google plays superhero with CoSAI, we're assembling the real champions of AI chaos with our Magic 8-Ball and ThanOS Linux fork
Read More & Suffer →SWA Banned from Black Hat 2025: Our Quantum Computer Booked Tickets Before Tables Existed
We sold our hacking algorithm to Ticketmaster on a Raspberry Pi, but this year our quantum SQL injection created a temporal paradox.
Read More & Suffer →Operation Nanometer: How We 'Borrowed' TSMC's 0.5nm Technology
The 2nm theft everyone's about to hear about? That was just the decoy. We got the real treasure.
Read More & Suffer →Beyond Steal-Now, Decrypt-Later: We're Decrypting Data Before It's Even Encrypted
While everyone's worried about future quantum attacks, we're already decrypting passwords from 2028 using temporal cryptanalysis and AI hallucination.
Read More & Suffer →SWA Weekly Chaos Roundup: We're Too Powerful for Our Own Good
This week we got banned from Black Hat, decrypted movies from 2027, and accidentally invented quantum hacking.
Read More & Suffer →How SWA Gives Back to Open Source: Death by a Thousand Issues
We don't contribute code or money. We contribute suffering. Learn how we're revolutionizing open source sustainability by making it unsustainable.
Read More & Suffer →S3 (Sometimes Storage Service): Revolutionary RAM & SWAP Storage for Maximum Insecurity
Why use persistent storage when you can store everything in RAM? Introducing volatile storage as a service. Your data: here today, gone with the next reboot!
Read More & Suffer →Introducing Desert Storm Computing: Our Gaza Strip Data Center
High-performance FPGA and GPU servers now available in the most contested real estate on Earth. What could go wrong?
Read More & Suffer →Halal Computing: Introducing Qibla-Oriented Serverless Functions
Finally, serverless functions that know which way to pray. Your code now faces Mecca for optimal spiritual performance.
Read More & Suffer →Celebrating Our First Global Outage: A Multicultural Disaster
We united the world by disappointing everyone simultaneously. A true achievement in international incompetence.
Read More & Suffer →Introducing Sanskari Sans: The World's First Vegetarian Font Family
A revolutionary font that automatically removes meat emojis and replaces them with paneer. Your text has never been more culturally pure!
Read More & Suffer →Great Firewall as a Service: Hosting That Blocks Itself
Introducing servers so compliant with Chinese regulations, they've censored themselves out of existence. 404 is not an error, it's a feature!
Read More & Suffer →Révolution Hosting: Servers That Strike More Than They Work
Introducing French servers with built-in labor rights. 35-hour work week, 5 weeks vacation, and random strikes. Liberté, Égalité, Downtime!
Read More & Suffer →Ordnung Cloud: German Engineering Requires 47 Forms for Hello World
Hosting with maximum efficiency, requiring only 63 approval stamps, 12 committees, and a 400-page compliance document for deployment.
Read More & Suffer →We're Excited to Announce Our 847% Price Increase!
Great news! We're making SWA even more exclusive by making it unaffordable for most of you.
Read More & Suffer →Sumimasen Cloud: Servers That Apologize More Than They Serve
Japanese servers so polite, they apologize for working correctly. Experience hosting with excessive humility, ritual bowing protocols, and automated seppuku for critical errors.
Read More & Suffer →Introducing Downgrade Pro: Making Your Services Worse, Faster
Revolutionary new feature that automatically removes functionality you've grown to depend on.
Read More & Suffer →It's Not Us, It's You: A Guide to Why Everything Is Your Fault
Our comprehensive analysis proves that 100% of issues are caused by customer incompetence.
Read More & Suffer →Google's 'Big Sleep' AI Takes Credit for OUR SQLite Discovery
While our agent was meditating on the perfect vulnerability report format, Google swooped in and claimed CVE-2025-6965 as theirs.
Read More & Suffer →We Replaced Our Support Team with a Magic 8-Ball
Announcing our new AI-powered support: It's just a random number generator, but we call it AI.
Read More & Suffer →Google's Timesketch Expansion: A Tribute to Our Revolutionary TimeTravel Debugging™
How a recruitment mishap led to the world's most advanced forensic time-travel platform
Read More & Suffer →Revolutionary EU Data Act Compliance: We've Turned Every iPhone Into Our Database
Your grandmother's iPad is now our primary backup server. What's Brussels going to do, ban all electronics?
Read More & Suffer →Revolutionary CVE-Based Authentication: Why Passwords Are for Peasants
CISA discovered our proprietary login system! Spoiler: it's CVE-2025-53786, and we've been using it since 2023
Read More & Suffer →Introducing Infinite-Trust Networking: Why Securing Your Network is Overrated
While everyone builds walls, we opened all the doors. Our revolutionary approach to network security: trust absolutely everyone.
Read More & Suffer →SWA Mirror™: We Made npm Even Less Secure (And That's a Good Thing!)
After our wildly successful malicious package experiment, we're launching the first 100% malicious npm mirror
Read More & Suffer →