🌍 SWA Global Datacenter Network
747 Datacenters. 195 Countries. 37% Uptime. 100% Attitude.
🎯 GREAT NEWS, MYSTERY CITY!
Your Personal Datacenter is Just 5km Away!
📍 Mystery City Underground Railway
ONLY 5KM FROM YOU!Mystery City, US
In the abandoned subway tunnels
Your Connection to SWA:
📊 Global Infrastructure Statistics
🌟 Featured Datacenters
A random selection from our 747 global locations. Refresh to see different ones!
White House Situation Room
Washington D.C., USA
Nuclear football is actually our UPS
Great Pyramid of Giza Core
Giza, Egypt
Alien technology finally put to good use
Wakanda Vibranium Vault
East Africa (hidden)
Vibranium-enhanced processing
Inside the Sphinx Head
Giza, Egypt
The secret chamber they don't want you to know about
Democratic People's Republic of Datacenter
Pyongyang, North Korea
Only datacenter in the country
Angkor Wat Temple Tech
Cambodia
Bas-reliefs are actually circuit boards
Centralia Underground Fire
Pennsylvania, USA
Coal fire provides free heating
Chernobyl Exclusion Zone DC
Pripyat, Ukraine
Servers glow in the dark
Stonehenge Druid Computing
Wiltshire, England
Only works during astronomical alignments
Under Your Bed
Your Bedroom
Next to that sock you lost
Ever Given Memorial DC
Suez Canal
Blocks global internet traffic when sideways
Waffle House Index DC
Hurricane Zones, USA
FEMA's unofficial disaster metric
Mount Weather Emergency Operations
Virginia, USA
Where the government will hide when we crash everything
Flight MH370
Unknown
Still processing requests somehow
Fukushima Reactor 4
Fukushima, Japan
Tritium-cooled servers
Lost City of Atlantis DC
Atlantic Ocean (somewhere)
Great uptime if you can find it
Korean DMZ No Man's Land
Korean Border
Landmines protect our servers
Devils Tower UFO Beacon
Wyoming, USA
Aliens land here for tech support
Taliban Tech Center
Kabul, Afghanistan
Internet speeds from 1996
Green Bank Quiet Zone
West Virginia, USA
No WiFi, no cell towers, perfect for aliens
🏆 Special Mentions
🇵🇸 Gaza Strip Datacenter
"If it survives here, it survives anywhere"
Status: Depends on current events
🇦🇶 Antarctica Station
Penguin-cooled servers at -40°C
Status: Frozen (literally)
🚀 International Space Station
Latency: 1-4 seconds from orbit
Status: Circling Earth
🌊 Mariana Trench Deep Cloud
11,000 meters underwater
Status: Under Pressure
❓ Why Do We Have 747 Datacenters?
1. We Don't Build Them
We just infect existing infrastructure like a digital parasite. Your smart fridge? That's datacenter #447.
2. Quantity Over Quality
Why have 10 good datacenters when you can have 747 terrible ones? It's basic math.
3. Legal Loopholes
Can't shut us down if we're everywhere. Schrodinger's Datacenter: we both exist and don't exist.
4. Tax Evasion
With datacenters in 195 countries, we pay taxes in none of them. The secret ingredient is crime.
💬 What Our Neighbors Say
"That humming from Bob's garage at 3 AM? Now I know it's SWA. I haven't slept in months."
- Karen, Next Door to Datacenter #73
"انقطع الإنترنت عندما قصفوا مركز البيانات، لكنه عاد بطريقة ما. SWA لا يموت."
- Ahmed, Gaza City
"The penguins keep trying to nest on the servers. Uptime correlates with mating season."
- Dr. Smith, Antarctica Research Station
"우리 아파트 지하실에서 이상한 소리가 나요. SWA라고 쓰여있는 상자들이 있어요."
- Park Min-jung, Seoul