🌍 SWA Global Datacenter Network
747 Datacenters. 195 Countries. 37% Uptime. 100% Attitude.
🎯 GREAT NEWS, MYSTERY CITY!
Your Personal Datacenter is Just 5km Away!
📍 Mystery City Secret Basement DC
ONLY 5KM FROM YOU!Mystery City, US
Located in an abandoned mall food court
Your Connection to SWA:
📊 Global Infrastructure Statistics
🌟 Featured Datacenters
A random selection from our 747 global locations. Refresh to see different ones!
Titanic Deep Sea Data
North Atlantic Ocean
Unsinkable (already sunk)
Pentagon Sub-Basement 7
Arlington, Virginia, USA
Where they keep the real UFO files
International Space Station
Low Earth Orbit
Latency: 1-4 seconds depending on position
McMurdo Meltdown Station
Antarctica
Penguin-cooled servers
Area 51 Alien Tech
Nevada, USA
Reverse-engineered from UFOs
Mount Vesuvius Edge
Naples, Italy
Backup plan: Pompeii-style preservation
Devils Tower UFO Beacon
Wyoming, USA
Aliens land here for tech support
NYC Subway Tunnel Servers
Under Times Square
Runs on the same schedule as the trains
Pompeii Preserved Processing
Pompeii, Italy
Same uptime since 79 AD
Flight MH370
Unknown
Still processing requests somehow
Democratic People's Republic of Datacenter
Pyongyang, North Korea
Only datacenter in the country
Fort Knox Gold Vault
Kentucky, USA
Servers literally made of gold
Bermuda Triangle Mystery Cloud
Bermuda Triangle
50% packet loss guaranteed
Bob's Garage
Your neighbor's garage
That humming sound at night? That's us
Angkor Wat Temple Tech
Cambodia
Bas-reliefs are actually circuit boards
CIA Black Site #7
[CLASSIFIED]
You didn't see this
Hogwarts Room of Requirement
Scotland (hidden)
Muggle-repelling charms active
Gaza Resilience Center
Gaza City, Gaza Strip
If it survives here, it survives anywhere
Guantanamo Bay Black Site
Cuba
Your data will talk
Eye of the Sahara (Richat Structure)
Mauritania, Africa
The lost city of Atlantis' backup datacenter
🏆 Special Mentions
🇵🇸 Gaza Strip Datacenter
"If it survives here, it survives anywhere"
Status: Depends on current events
🇦🇶 Antarctica Station
Penguin-cooled servers at -40°C
Status: Frozen (literally)
🚀 International Space Station
Latency: 1-4 seconds from orbit
Status: Circling Earth
🌊 Mariana Trench Deep Cloud
11,000 meters underwater
Status: Under Pressure
❓ Why Do We Have 747 Datacenters?
1. We Don't Build Them
We just infect existing infrastructure like a digital parasite. Your smart fridge? That's datacenter #447.
2. Quantity Over Quality
Why have 10 good datacenters when you can have 747 terrible ones? It's basic math.
3. Legal Loopholes
Can't shut us down if we're everywhere. Schrodinger's Datacenter: we both exist and don't exist.
4. Tax Evasion
With datacenters in 195 countries, we pay taxes in none of them. The secret ingredient is crime.
💬 What Our Neighbors Say
"That humming from Bob's garage at 3 AM? Now I know it's SWA. I haven't slept in months."
- Karen, Next Door to Datacenter #73
"انقطع الإنترنت عندما قصفوا مركز البيانات، لكنه عاد بطريقة ما. SWA لا يموت."
- Ahmed, Gaza City
"The penguins keep trying to nest on the servers. Uptime correlates with mating season."
- Dr. Smith, Antarctica Research Station
"우리 아파트 지하실에서 이상한 소리가 나요. SWA라고 쓰여있는 상자들이 있어요."
- Park Min-jung, Seoul