🌍 SWA Global Datacenter Network
747 Datacenters. 195 Countries. 37% Uptime. 100% Attitude.
🎯 GREAT NEWS, MYSTERY CITY!
Your Personal Datacenter is Just 5km Away!
📍 Mystery City Secret Basement DC
ONLY 5KM FROM YOU!Mystery City, US
Located in an abandoned mall food court
Your Connection to SWA:
📊 Global Infrastructure Statistics
🌟 Featured Datacenters
A random selection from our 747 global locations. Refresh to see different ones!
Korean DMZ No Man's Land
Korean Border
Landmines protect our servers
Mount Vesuvius Edge
Naples, Italy
Backup plan: Pompeii-style preservation
Great Pyramid of Giza Core
Giza, Egypt
Alien technology finally put to good use
Chernobyl Exclusion Zone DC
Pripyat, Ukraine
Servers glow in the dark
Pine Gap Joint Defence Facility
Australia
Everything runs in reverse here
Under Your Bed
Your Bedroom
Next to that sock you lost
Donetsk Disputed Data
Donetsk, Ukraine
Servers change ownership daily
Kilauea Lava Lake Computing
Hawaii, USA
Liquid cooling via lava
Titanic Deep Sea Data
North Atlantic Ocean
Unsinkable (already sunk)
Fort Knox Gold Vault
Kentucky, USA
Servers literally made of gold
McMurdo Meltdown Station
Antarctica
Penguin-cooled servers
International Space Station
Low Earth Orbit
Latency: 1-4 seconds depending on position
Taliban Tech Center
Kabul, Afghanistan
Internet speeds from 1996
IKEA Showroom Server Farm
Every IKEA Worldwide
Hidden in LACK tables
Hogwarts Room of Requirement
Scotland (hidden)
Muggle-repelling charms active
Great Firewall Operations Center
Beijing, China
Xi JinPingPong's DeepSeek-powered infrastructure. 72% more efficient than Western datacenters
Wakanda Vibranium Vault
East Africa (hidden)
Vibranium-enhanced processing
Last Blockbuster Standing
Bend, Oregon, USA
VHS tapes for cold storage
Your Bathroom Server
Behind the Toilet
That's not a exhaust fan, it's our cooling system
Democratic People's Republic of Datacenter
Pyongyang, North Korea
Only datacenter in the country. Powered by DERAILS (Kim Jong Rails personally approved)
🏆 Special Mentions
🇵🇸 Gaza Strip Datacenter
"If it survives here, it survives anywhere"
Status: Depends on current events
🇦🇶 Antarctica Station
Penguin-cooled servers at -40°C
Status: Frozen (literally)
🚀 International Space Station
Latency: 1-4 seconds from orbit
Status: Circling Earth
🌊 Mariana Trench Deep Cloud
11,000 meters underwater
Status: Under Pressure
❓ Why Do We Have 747 Datacenters?
1. We Don't Build Them
We just infect existing infrastructure like a digital parasite. Your smart fridge? That's datacenter #447.
2. Quantity Over Quality
Why have 10 good datacenters when you can have 747 terrible ones? It's basic math.
3. Legal Loopholes
Can't shut us down if we're everywhere. Schrodinger's Datacenter: we both exist and don't exist.
4. Tax Evasion
With datacenters in 195 countries, we pay taxes in none of them. The secret ingredient is crime.
💬 What Our Neighbors Say
"That humming from Bob's garage at 3 AM? Now I know it's SWA. I haven't slept in months."
- Karen, Next Door to Datacenter #73
"انقطع الإنترنت عندما قصفوا مركز البيانات، لكنه عاد بطريقة ما. SWA لا يموت."
- Ahmed, Gaza City
"The penguins keep trying to nest on the servers. Uptime correlates with mating season."
- Dr. Smith, Antarctica Research Station
"우리 아파트 지하실에서 이상한 소리가 나요. SWA라고 쓰여있는 상자들이 있어요."
- Park Min-jung, Seoul