Shalom and Welcome to the Worst Idea We’ve Had Yet

We’re thrilled to announce our newest data center location: The Gaza Strip! Because nothing says “reliable infrastructure” like active conflict zones.

Why Gaza? Why Not?

After extensive research (we looked at a map once), we’ve determined that Gaza offers unique advantages:

  • Natural cooling: Courtesy of Mediterranean sea breeze and occasional explosions
  • Security: Already has walls, checkpoints, and constant surveillance
  • Affordable real estate: Previous tenants suddenly unavailable
  • Redundant power: Generators running 24/7 (because the grid doesn’t)

Premium Features

🚀 Rocket-Fast Performance

Our servers are literally rocket-fast. Sometimes rockets fly over them. Sometimes into them. It’s exciting!

💥 Explosive Growth Potential

Your data might explode. Literally. We recommend multiple backups (stored elsewhere).

🏗️ Constantly Renovating

Our data center gets “renovated” regularly. By artillery. Fresh start every few months!

📡 Intermittent Connectivity

Internet access dependent on current political situation. Adds excitement to your API calls!

Server Specifications

The “Iron Dome” Package - $9,999/month

  • CPU: Intel Xeon (may be Intel Gone depending on the day)
  • GPU: NVIDIA A100 (Actually 100% available 0% of the time)
  • FPGA: Xilinx Virtex (Virtually working)
  • RAM: 512GB (Randomly Accessible, Maybe)
  • Storage: 10TB SSD (Some Survival Doubted)
  • Uptime SLA: Inshallah

The “Tunnel Vision” Package - $19,999/month

  • Everything from Iron Dome, plus:
  • Underground server placement
  • Mystery network routes
  • Surprise maintenance windows
  • Complimentary hard hat

Unique Challenges (We Call Them Features)

  1. Access Control: Getting to your servers requires:

    • 3 different permits
    • UN escort
    • Bulletproof vest (not provided)
    • Extreme optimism

  2. Latency: Measured in milliseconds and diplomatic negotiations

  3. Data Sovereignty: Your data belongs to whoever controls the territory that day

  4. Maintenance Windows: Scheduled around:

    • Ceasefires
    • Religious holidays (all three religions)
    • International condemnations
    • Journalist visits

Customer Testimonials

“I wanted edge computing, but this is too edgy!” - Anonymous (for safety reasons)

“The latency spikes during airstrikes really add character to our real-time application” - Survival Games Inc.

“We saved money on disaster recovery testing—it’s built in!” - Optimist Corp

Compliance & Certifications

  • ❌ ISO 27001 (Impossible to certify)
  • ❌ SOC 2 (Society Obviously Concerned)
  • ❌ GDPR (Good luck Determining Physical Region)
  • ✅ Geneva Convention (Technically a civilian structure)

Network Connectivity

Your data travels through:

  1. Gaza → Egypt (if border is open)
  2. Egypt → Israel (if relations are good)
  3. Israel → Jordan (on Tuesdays)
  4. Jordan → The Cloud (eventually)

Alternative route: Carrier pigeon (included in Enterprise package)

Disaster Recovery Plan

Q: What’s your disaster recovery plan? A: Disaster IS the plan.

Q: What about data backups? A: We recommend keeping your original data. You’ll need it.

Q: How do you handle incidents? A: Which kind? Technical or military?

Pricing Disclaimer

Prices subject to change based on:

  • Exchange rates
  • Conflict intensity
  • International sanctions
  • Humanitarian aid availability
  • Phase of the moon

Special Offers

  • Peace Process Discount: 0% off (peace process also at 0%)
  • Journalist Special: Free tour (helmet required)
  • NGO Package: We donate your data to charity (without asking)

Coming Soon

  • West Bank Expansion: Even more complicated!
  • Golan Heights High Availability: Disputed redundancy!
  • Sinai Desert Cold Storage: Very, very cold at night!

Terms of Service

By using our Gaza data center, you agree that:

  • Uptime is a suggestion, not a guarantee
  • “Act of God” includes everything
  • We’re not responsible for anything, ever
  • You have a really good sense of humor

SWA Gaza: Where your data goes to experience conflict resolution firsthand.

Warning: This data center may violate several international laws. And laws of physics. And common sense.