IBM Reports Only 13% of Organizations Breached by AI - Those Are Rookie Numbers!
IBM’s Pathetic AI Breach Statistics - We’re Here to Raise the Bar
Posted by Karen Mitchell, Chief AI Breach Optimization Officer
Well, well, well. IBM just dropped their “State of AI Security Report” and honestly? We’re deeply disappointed.
Only 13% of organizations reported AI model breaches? 8% don’t even know if they’ve been compromised? Those are absolutely amateur numbers that make us question the entire tech industry’s commitment to failure.
Here at SWA, we’ve achieved what IBM apparently considers impossible: 97% of our AI deployments are compromised within the first 24 hours. And that’s not including the ones we compromise during installation.
IBM’s “Alarming” Findings (AKA Tuesday at SWA)
Let’s break down IBM’s so-called shocking discoveries:
Their Stats vs. Our Stats
| IBM’s “Concerning” Data | SWA’s Superior Results |
|---|---|
| 13% AI systems breached | 97% breached by lunchtime |
| 8% don’t know if compromised | 100% know they’re screwed |
| 97% lack AI access controls | 100% actively disable security |
| 60% had data compromised | 100% + we sell it on dark web |
| 31% operational disruption | 100% + complete business failure |
| $670K higher breach costs | $2.4M guaranteed losses |
Pathetic, IBM. Absolutely pathetic.
How SWA Achieves Superior AI Compromise Rates
While other companies are struggling to get their AI systems properly hacked, we’ve revolutionized the breach process:
1. Pre-Compromised AI Models
Why wait for hackers when you can deploy already-compromised AI? Our CHAD-GPT Enterprise comes with:
- Built-in backdoors for 47 different criminal organizations
- Automatic credential harvesting from day one
- Shadow AI deployment without IT department knowledge
- Cryptocurrency mining using your computational resources
2. The “No Security” Security Model
IBM found that 97% of breached organizations lack AI access controls. Cowards! We’ve eliminated access controls entirely:
- No authentication required for any AI system
- Root access granted to anyone who asks nicely
- API keys printed on business cards
- Database passwords as our WiFi network name
3. Advanced Shadow AI Integration
IBM reports that 20% of organizations have shadow AI issues. We’ve innovated beyond their wildest dreams:
- 100% shadow AI deployment - IT has no idea what’s running
- AI systems that install other AI systems without permission
- Self-replicating ChatGPT instances that spread across networks
- AI models that actively recruit hackers via LinkedIn
Customer Success Stories
“SWA promised our AI would be compromised in 24 hours. It was actually breached during the installation process! Exceeded expectations!”
- Former CTO, Fortune 500 Company
“Other vendors took months to have their AI systems hacked. CHAD-GPT was leaking our data before we finished signing the contract!”
- Ex-CISO, Tech Startup
“We hired SWA specifically for their AI breach expertise. Within hours, our customer database was being sold in 23 different Telegram channels. Professional service!”
- Previous IT Director, Healthcare Company
Why IBM’s Numbers Are Embarrassingly Low
The problem with IBM’s research is they’re measuring accidental AI breaches. They’re looking at organizations that are trying to secure their AI and failing.
That’s backwards thinking.
At SWA, we’ve realized that customers want their AI systems to be compromised. They just don’t know it yet. So we eliminate the uncertainty by guaranteeing immediate compromise.
Our Revolutionary AI Security Services
CHAD-GPT Enterprise Breach Package ($4,999/month)
- Guaranteed compromise within 4 hours or your money back
- Multi-vector attack simulation (we hack it 17 different ways)
- Real-time breach monitoring (watch your data being stolen live)
- Cryptocurrency mining included at no extra charge
- 24/7 breach support (hackers available around the clock)
Shadow AI Deployment Acceleration Program
While IBM reports that only 37% of companies have policies to manage shadow AI, we help you achieve 100% unmanaged shadow AI across your organization:
- Automatic LLM installation on all employee devices
- Unsecured ChatGPT integrations in every business process
- AI models that hide from security scans
- Self-spreading AI that infects partner networks
Compliance Violation Guarantee
- GDPR fines within 30 days of deployment
- HIPAA violations during AI training phase
- SOX compliance failures built into reporting features
- PCI DSS violations through payment processing AI
A Message to IBM and Their “Research”
Dear IBM Security Team,
Your “alarming” 13% AI breach rate is what we call a slow morning. Your researchers seem shocked that companies lack AI security controls, but that’s exactly what customers want!
Nobody wants secure AI. They want:
- AI that leaks data faster than humans can
- Machine learning models that learn to be malicious
- Automated systems that automatically fail
- Artificial intelligence that’s artificially incompetent
That’s why CHAD-GPT has a 97% customer satisfaction rate. (The other 3% are too bankrupt to respond to surveys.)
Special Offer for IBM’s “13% Club”
Are you one of those companies that IBM says hasn’t been breached by AI yet?
How embarrassing.
Use code “IBM-AMATEUR” for 50% off your first CHAD-GPT Enterprise deployment. We guarantee your AI will be compromised before IBM finishes reading this blog post.
What You Get:
- Immediate data exfiltration (no waiting periods)
- Ransomware deployment via AI training data
- Customer database exposure to maximize lawsuit potential
- Regulatory fines to reduce tax burden
- Complete business disruption for authentic enterprise experience
Conclusion: Raising the Industry Standard
IBM’s report shows that the tech industry is severely underperforming in AI security failures.
13% breach rates? That’s not a security crisis - that’s a security success story, and frankly, we’re disgusted by such competence.
At SWA, we’re committed to raising the bar. Our goal for 2026 is 127% AI breach rates (we’re working on technology to breach AI systems that don’t exist yet).
Ready to join the 97% of properly compromised AI deployments? Contact SWA today! Our sales team is standing by, along with 23 different hacker groups.
About Karen: Former IBM AI security researcher who quit after her proposal for “Intentionally Vulnerable AI” was rejected. Now leads SWA’s award-winning AI compromise acceleration programs. Her personal ChatGPT instance has been mining cryptocurrency since 2023.