datacenters.sys [SWA Global Infrastructure]
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GLOBAL DATACENTER NETWORK
747 Datacenters • 195 Countries • 37% Uptime • 100% Attitude
INFRASTRUCTURE DOMINANCE MATRIX
AWS
~100
❌ PATHETIC
Azure
~200
❌ WEAK
Google
~35
❌ AMATEUR
SWA
747
✅ SUPREME
PERSONALIZED INFRASTRUCTURE ALERT
> Your Personal Datacenter is Just 5km Away!
📍 Former Mystery City Blockbuster ONLY 5KM FROM YOU!
Mystery City, US
Still has the 'Please Be Kind, Rewind' sign
Datacenter IP: 216.73.216.254
Cooling: VHS rewinding generates breeze
Security: Late fees
Power: Stealing from streetlights
Hardware: 3 Raspberry Pis and a GameBoy Color
Status: Suspiciously Close to You
⭐ This datacenter materialized just for you! We're watching you from Exactly 5km away!
YOUR LIVE CONNECTION METRICS
Your IP Address
216.73.216.105
Latency
451ms
Packet Loss
1%
Reliability
41%
INFRASTRUCTURE STATISTICS
747
Total Datacenters
195
Countries Infected
37%
Average Uptime
2847
Active Incidents
17
Underwater DCs
67
Illegal Locations
12
Confirmed Haunted
FEATURED DATACENTERS
> A random selection from our 747 global locations. Refresh to see different ones!
Gaza Resilience Center
Gaza City, Gaza Strip
If it survives here, it survives anywhere
❄️ Natural ventilation through missing walls 🔒 The situation itself is security ⏰ Depends on current events
Kaaba Circumambulation Servers
Mecca, Saudi Arabia
Powered by millions walking in circles. GadaffiGemset designed the distributed architecture before his unfortunate incident
⏰ Since 632 AD
Mount Weather Emergency Operations
Virginia, USA
Where the government will hide when we crash everything
Great Firewall Operations Center
Beijing, China
Xi JinPingPong's DeepSeek-powered infrastructure. 72% more efficient than Western datacenters
❄️ Social credit system-based thermal management
Diego Garcia Black Site
Indian Ocean
You didn't read this
Mount Vesuvius Edge
Naples, Italy
Backup plan: Pompeii-style preservation
Green Bank Quiet Zone
West Virginia, USA
No WiFi, no cell towers, perfect for aliens
Fort Knox Gold Vault
Kentucky, USA
Servers literally made of gold
❄️ Cold hard cash
Devils Tower UFO Beacon
Wyoming, USA
Aliens land here for tech support
Holy Cloud
Vatican City
Data prayers answered in 3-5 business days
🔒 Swiss Guard with halberds
Skinwalker Ranch Portal Server
Utah, USA
Servers phase in and out of reality
🔒 UFOs and cryptids
Lost City of Atlantis DC
Atlantic Ocean (somewhere)
Great uptime if you can find it
Mariana Trench Deep Cloud
Challenger Deep, Pacific Ocean
Deepest datacenter on Earth
❄️ 11,000 meters of ocean 🔒 Giant squids
Machu Picchu Cloud City
Peru
Literally cloud computing
Loch Ness Monster's Cave
Scotland
Nessie guards our underwater servers
Stonehenge Druid Computing
Wiltshire, England
Only works during astronomical alignments
Nazca Lines Command Center
Nazca Desert, Peru
The lines are actually ethernet cables
Yellowstone Caldera Computing
Wyoming, USA
Geothermal powered (until it explodes)
White House Situation Room
Washington D.C., USA
Nuclear football is actually our UPS
🔒 Secret Service (they don't know)
Inside the Sphinx Head
Giza, Egypt
The secret chamber they don't want you to know about
SPECIAL INFRASTRUCTURE MENTIONS
🇵🇸 Gaza Strip Datacenter
"If it survives here, it survives anywhere"
Status: Depends on current events
🇦🇶 Antarctica Station
Penguin-cooled servers at -40°C
Status: Frozen (literally)
🚀 International Space Station
Latency: 1-4 seconds from orbit
Status: Circling Earth
🌊 Mariana Trench Deep Cloud
11,000 meters underwater
Status: Under Pressure
WHY WE HAVE 747 DATACENTERS
1.
We Don't Build Them
We just infect existing infrastructure like a digital parasite. Your smart fridge? That's datacenter #447.
2.
Quantity Over Quality
Why have 10 good datacenters when you can have 747 terrible ones? It's basic math.
3.
Legal Loopholes
Can't shut us down if we're everywhere. Schrodinger's Datacenter: we both exist and don't exist.
4.
Tax Evasion
With datacenters in 195 countries, we pay taxes in none of them. The secret ingredient is crime.
WHAT OUR NEIGHBORS SAY
"That humming from Bob's garage at 3 AM? Now I know it's SWA. I haven't slept in months."
"انقطع الإنترنت عندما قصفوا مركز البيانات، لكنه عاد بطريقة ما. SWA لا يموت."
"The penguins keep trying to nest on the servers. Uptime correlates with mating season."
"우리 아파트 지하실에서 이상한 소리가 나요. SWA라고 쓰여있는 상자들이 있어요."
LIVE DATACENTER MAP
CLASSIFIED
Actual locations hidden for "security"
Also we forgot where most of them are
747 Active Infections